I've officially hit a new personal low. In my own defense, I have been sort of on my own here, and due to extreme frigging coldness and tiredness, sort of housebound. It's no excuse. I'm just saying. I never thought I'd own up to such a thing, and given the fact that I acknowledged long ago that I'll probably die cold and alone I am more than a little suprised at myself for even bothering. But I'm bored, and the internet is all I've had to fill my nights. That's right.
I'm on Lava Life.
Now before all you Lava Lifers get all defensive, let me make something clear. My general reprehension for internet dating is not so much a judgement call on those who do, just more something I NEVER thought I'd do myself. It's to do with the ill memory of the whole Stalkster debacle combined with the horror of revealing to the general populace that I am indeed average (or worse, owning up to being a few extra pounds). Plus, well, yeah, there is sort of a sketch factor to it.
Don't worry, it's only the Dating section, I'm not trolling the Serious Relationship or Intimate Encounters waters. Yet (kidding). And it's pretty clear that I am looking more for music dorks to show me around town than actual 'dating' per se. Whatever. For those of you that are unfamilair with the whole Lavathang, you can express interest by sending people 'smiles', which are free, or by sending an email or instant message, which cost. As I don't have a credit card with which to purchase message credits, I am sort of relegated to smile purgatory, and at the mercy of the lads for any further contact. And as the LavaLife cheap bastard quotient seems to be on par with the flesh and blood dating world, it's safe to say I'm getting more smiles than messages. But a few of them smile senders have been doozies! First was a Baily69, whose photo featured a large n' chachi gold chain and who is a self proclaimed 'metro sexual'. Um, no self respecting metrosexual would a) be so juvenile as to use 69 in their screen name, b) wear a honking gold chain or c) put a space in metrosexual. But Baily69 is a damn catch compared to Lady_Cab_Driver, whose intro line reads something like "can I take you for a ride?". Ummmm....no thanks, I'D rather walk. One of those rare cases where 3rd class driving certainly does not beat 1st class walking. I'm pretty sure posting pictures off of LavaLife is against the rules, so if you want to check these winners\weiners out, you'll either have to get yourselves LavaLife accounts, or email me so I can send them to you. Which is probably also against the rules. Come to think of it, this whole blog entry most likey is. Ehhhh....oh well.
The absolute worst part of it all? It's so frick fracking addictive! Seriously. I can't stop checking my account for new smiles and messages. I don't particularly care who sent them, I'm sort of a lackadasical LavaLifer and don't really expect anyone smashing to show up in my inbox. It's just sadly affirming to see a number next to those little smiley face and envelope icons. It's in danger of taking over what shreds of self esteem I can profess to posess. Digits next to smile icon = happy. Big fat 0 next to icon = no one will ever love me again. I realize how fully 'tard that is given that I already said I'm only looking for buddies. It's a stupid girl thing. And I hope I get it under control before Lady_Cab_Driver starts to look good.
Of course I can always count on Michelle to serve up a fat dish of blunt in-your-faceness. She's not buying the bored and lonely thing. In her own words:
You are so full of it. Nate gave you how many email addresses and phone
numbers of cool people who can show you around/be your music dork buddy?
You were just looking for a hot piece of poutine-flavoured-cab-drivin' ass,
and you know it!
She may not be entirely wrong. Thanks Michellio for keeping it real.