Monday, March 14, 2005

BC vs. Montreal Part 1

Well, I've been back in BC a while now, long enough that I thought I'd have my head wrapped the weirdness that has been my life so far this year, but I don't. So in effort to straighten my head out and determine how kosher running home to BC at the first sign of office abuse/impending violence was, I thought it made sense to have a little faceoff. Ok, I know it sounds unfair pitting all of BC against little ol' Montreal, but I figured Vancouver vs. Montreal vs. Victoria was a bit much, and Victoria is like consolation round Vancouver, so I though I'd lump them together.

Sex: BC - Ok, I know I always whine about how dry it is (that's figuratively, not literally), and dating wise there is ass all, but the less discriminating gal can always find a little 'oooh daddy', be it a co-worker who spanks it to a picture of you, a co-worker who spanks you in the middle of Stanley Park, or a Brit with a Starsky and Hutch festish. The series, not the movie. Give me some credit. Granted, I was in Montreal for less that 2 months, but the best I got was the occassional mounting and subsequent dry humping of a terrified gay man, and a French girl with whom I who made out like a banshee, but she then got hammered, fell down, hit her head, and ended up in the hospital before we could get our lesbian on.
Advantage: BC

Family: BC - genereally smothered with love - from teabags and cookies finding their way in to by bag and reminders to pack tampons to little notes on the toilet seat- which I realize I am an ingrate for not appreciating more, but dammit, I am an autonomous creature, I am used to my space! In Montreal, on the other hand, I had only my psycho cousin who proclaimed, "Big Cousin was going to take care of Little Cousin." Which sounds nice until you realize that "taking care" really means "yelling at" "belittling" and "screwing out of moving expenses".
Advantage: BC - Disclaimer : though I do recognize and appreciate my cousin's contribution towards the gradual and inevitable effacement of every shred of my self worth. Thanks, Cuz!

Late Night TV: BC - To be fair, in BC I a) didn't have cable and b) had enough of a life that I was out late and didn't watch a lot of late night tv. So I can't really compare, but Ihave a hard time believing it could compete with Montreal, with it's soft core porn on Channel 6 and MusiMax, which is essentially really dirty music videos shown between Playboy channel short films. You might not be getting much sex, but at least there is something to fuel the spank fantasies when you are stuck home masterbating on a Friday night.
Advantage: Montreal. Clearly.

Transit: BC - Yeah, the Skytrain is expanding, the busses run late on the weekend, and my Mom gives me bus tickets (or did, until work bought me a bus pass), but Montreal has a proper Metro, with underground Art Deco stations, and that breeds a whole different kind of Crazees, which is really the prime reason for riding transit. That, or you are broke-ass, don't have a car, and if you did it wouldn't matter because you don't have a license. Damn, I am a sad, sad bastard.
Advantage: Montreal, but I am no less a sad non-driving bastard there.

Standing tally - 2 ALL

Part two will follow in the coming days. I know, you're hopping with the anticipation.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

The Red Shoe Diary

OK, I admit, I am a bad, bad, bad blogger. But in my defense, it is really hard to get motivated when every time you sit at the computer, someone starts nattering at you. Not easy to organize ones thoughts. But I digress.

So...I'm back in Victoria, which if you know me at all you know is not high on my happy list. Yes, I am trying to look on the bright side. Like as I might actually save some money, as there is absolutely fuck all to do here. Seriously. Thank god that the Vancouver boys seem to be on a weekend Island rotation. Thanks Scarley and Toby for giving me reason to get ass out of the house. James, you're up. OH!!! And happy birthday! Not sure if you got my text, apparently my new fangled phone does not work with a lot of the older ones. Not that I'm saying that yours is old. Maybe just not so compatible.

So, yes, I've got me a job. Nothing too interesting, it's at a planning firm, so it's familiar territory. I agreed to six months, we'll see after that. I don't know, I'm still sort of thinking about the hairdressing route. Or indentured servitute. Whatever.

I had another weird bus moment yesterday. I was sitting on the bus, all early morning bleary eyed, and the rather Saltspring/biker-chick woman that sat next to me commented on my red shoes, and started telling me about Women Who Run With the Wolves, which she had just borrowed from a friend, and how it made her realize that woman have been domesticized and need to embrace our feral side. Which I am all for. Anywhoooo.....she proceeds to whip open her grungy ol' backpack and pulls out the book, flips it open to a page that is marked with a post it, to a story called The Red Shoes, and starts reading me a passage that - albeit poorly paraphrased - went something like this...

"Be glad you shoes are plain. If your shoes are too red it makes for a very difficult life"

I shit you not. I was all like, " Are you f'ing kidding me? You just happen to be sitting next to me, with that in your bag, with that page marked, on the first day I've worn my little ol' red Mary-Jane's this year?" Not that I said that, but I was thinking it.

So she thanked me for 'being an inspiration' and got off the bus to go to her rally on the legistature lawn, on the advice of a 'lovely lady cop that told [her] that the laws are not in place to protect the people." I carried on to work, confused, somewhat startled, and very certain that the strange bus people that you meet in Victoria are their own odd and special breed.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

On Monday It's Melissa...

First, I have to say a big Whoop, there it is!!!!! to the Academy in recognition of their finally retreiving their heads from their asses. Way to vote, muthafucka's! Almost everything I wanted. Whee hee. Remember that part where I said the Avaitor would probably win all the technical awards as a consolation in case it didn't win the bigun's? I am so good. Sadly, if I stay in the purgatory known as Victoria, that may just have been my last informed Oscar season, as it takes forfreakinever for anything good to come out here. Sniff sniff. Sigh.

It is so weird to be back. I keep running in to peripheral people from my former life here. Twice I've seen Mean Eric - I was his rebound after his hot girlfriend left him for a hot girlfriend - who obviously I pretended to not recognize. He's all bleached blond and hair stylist looking, I'm guessing he finally got his gay card stamped. We were all pretty sure he and our friend Don were going to get together, I am so wondering. Jeeesus, that would have been hot. But I digress.

I used to work at Murchie's with Don, which despite being a craphole to work in was a lot of fun. I lived with a co-worker, and one lived in the apartment below us, we were a supertight group. Obviously all the cool people have moved on, but the lifers are still there. Staff and customer. So weird. There were always these 2 freaky ladies that sat in the front window, Christy dubbed them Headband (because she always wore one) and Yoda (because, duh, she looks like Yoda). Sure enough, Yoda was sitting in the exact same seat when I went by yesterday. It totally skeeved me out. If she's kept up the routine of tea and a scone every day for the past 5 years, and it was EVERY DAY, then shes spent $6300 just on tea and scones since I left Victoria. That's like, several vacations. Which seems sort of sad, especially when I think of how much I've spent on coffee in the same time. Probably a few trips to Coachella. That is too sad for words.

On an happier note, I am temping for the next few weeks, and got a call from Maximus (the company that is taking over BC Health Care, don't kill me!), so I should possibly, maybe, hopefully be able to afford to get my ass to Vancouver soon. You don't understand, I am dying for some decent music here! The most promisimg poster I've seen so far was for The Original 2 Live Crew featuring the Booty Dancers. C'mon, ya'll know the song:

"On Monday it's Melissa, I like to get with her, I take all her money, and then I diss her!"

Story of my freakin' life, or at least it would be if I ever had any money.
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