Monday, March 14, 2005

BC vs. Montreal Part 1

Well, I've been back in BC a while now, long enough that I thought I'd have my head wrapped the weirdness that has been my life so far this year, but I don't. So in effort to straighten my head out and determine how kosher running home to BC at the first sign of office abuse/impending violence was, I thought it made sense to have a little faceoff. Ok, I know it sounds unfair pitting all of BC against little ol' Montreal, but I figured Vancouver vs. Montreal vs. Victoria was a bit much, and Victoria is like consolation round Vancouver, so I though I'd lump them together.

Sex: BC - Ok, I know I always whine about how dry it is (that's figuratively, not literally), and dating wise there is ass all, but the less discriminating gal can always find a little 'oooh daddy', be it a co-worker who spanks it to a picture of you, a co-worker who spanks you in the middle of Stanley Park, or a Brit with a Starsky and Hutch festish. The series, not the movie. Give me some credit. Granted, I was in Montreal for less that 2 months, but the best I got was the occassional mounting and subsequent dry humping of a terrified gay man, and a French girl with whom I who made out like a banshee, but she then got hammered, fell down, hit her head, and ended up in the hospital before we could get our lesbian on.
Advantage: BC

Family: BC - genereally smothered with love - from teabags and cookies finding their way in to by bag and reminders to pack tampons to little notes on the toilet seat- which I realize I am an ingrate for not appreciating more, but dammit, I am an autonomous creature, I am used to my space! In Montreal, on the other hand, I had only my psycho cousin who proclaimed, "Big Cousin was going to take care of Little Cousin." Which sounds nice until you realize that "taking care" really means "yelling at" "belittling" and "screwing out of moving expenses".
Advantage: BC - Disclaimer : though I do recognize and appreciate my cousin's contribution towards the gradual and inevitable effacement of every shred of my self worth. Thanks, Cuz!

Late Night TV: BC - To be fair, in BC I a) didn't have cable and b) had enough of a life that I was out late and didn't watch a lot of late night tv. So I can't really compare, but Ihave a hard time believing it could compete with Montreal, with it's soft core porn on Channel 6 and MusiMax, which is essentially really dirty music videos shown between Playboy channel short films. You might not be getting much sex, but at least there is something to fuel the spank fantasies when you are stuck home masterbating on a Friday night.
Advantage: Montreal. Clearly.

Transit: BC - Yeah, the Skytrain is expanding, the busses run late on the weekend, and my Mom gives me bus tickets (or did, until work bought me a bus pass), but Montreal has a proper Metro, with underground Art Deco stations, and that breeds a whole different kind of Crazees, which is really the prime reason for riding transit. That, or you are broke-ass, don't have a car, and if you did it wouldn't matter because you don't have a license. Damn, I am a sad, sad bastard.
Advantage: Montreal, but I am no less a sad non-driving bastard there.

Standing tally - 2 ALL

Part two will follow in the coming days. I know, you're hopping with the anticipation.

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