Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Park That Car, Drop that Phone, Sleep on the Floor, Dream About Me

This song wasn't around yet when I was 17. I really, really wish it had been. Because me at 17 was a solid mix of the hope and hurt and wish and despair and dreaming that this song embodies, and I really could have used a song that summed up everything I didn't have one recognizable, assignable emotion for.

At 17 I was pretty sure there was some sort of solid line delineating the youth from the adults, and that, though I didn't know quite where it was, or when I'd find it, I'd know with certainty when I crossed it.

I'm 32, coming up on 33 really, and I have to say, most days I'm still not sure I'm there. Sure, I have a job, I pay rent, most of the time I remember to deal with bills and garbage and laundry. But I am still every bit as filled with wonder and want and ache for something more that I was almost half my life ago. And while sometimes I fear it an unsettling harbinger of failure at this being a grown up thing, or at fulfilling my potential, whatever that may mean or be, it also gives me a profound sense of peace and calm.

Because I don't ever want my heart to stop hunting.

Note: I'm not in love with the video, but all the live footage was crusty.

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