Tuesday, April 21, 2009

#1 - I Am a Chronic Apologizer

This is a new thing, to fill the times when I don't have the time / inclination / exhausted drunkenness to write a regular post. Because for me (much like working out), I miss a day, then a week, then suddenly, it's been a year and I haven't posted. And I can't be responsible for the devastating effect that could have on the internet.

I very rarely do any of the list/note fill-in-your-answers-and-tag-10-people crap on Facebook, but a few months ago I was rocking some serious procrastination, so I did the 25 Things one. It was sort if cathartic and interesting in a self-reflective sort of way, and elicited some interesting responses.

So, to keep the wheels greased (hee hee, I said greased) I'm going to take on the supremely narcissistic task of coming up with 100 Truths. About me. Well, they're probably more inane facts, but they'll be true. There might be some overlap with the ones from Facebook, but I'm ok with that.

#1 - I Am a Chronic Apologizer

You know how some people have a swear jar? They have to put a quarter or dollar in it when they swear. Given the amount I swear I'd have been penniless and naked years ago (grade school) if anyone had tried to instigate swear jar rules. So while I haven't had a Swear Jar I have had an Apology Jar. It may have been a tin. Whatever. I lived with my friends Heather and Mitchell years ago, and apparently they were more disturbed by my penchant for verbal atonement that they were by the Tourette's-like gunfire bursts of vulgarity and blasphemy.

Rare and beautiful people, both of them.

Anyhow, it drove Heather so nuts that she started chasing dollars every time I'd apologize for something that didn't really require apologizing for. Which usually led to me apologizing for apologizing ... and on ... and on. Vicious circle, that.

It was brought to my attention again yesterday on a phone call to a new friend (hey new friend!). I've had a shitty few days and was scattered and not forming words right, and kept apologizing for it. Apparently a normal action would be to say:

"You know what, I'm off work in 20 minutes, and I'm really distracted right now, so how about I call you then?"

Rather than:

"Sorry, shit, I'm so scattered, I can't find my words. Dammit. Fuck. What an idiot. Sorry."

Or something along those lines.

This is a chronic issues. Not my most disturbing chronic issue, but chronic nonetheless. By way of example, I have caught myself apologizing:
  • To a door I walked in to.
  • For farting in an empty room.
  • To a cab driver, when he didn't have the right change.
  • To my doctor, when she's had to deal with less than glamorous issues. Which, really, is an occupational hazard.
  • To the cat, when he runs in front of me and gets punted across the room.
  • To a boss that felt bad when she had to lay me off.
There's $6 I owe you Heather. Though they are past incidents and I probably owe you interest. Sorry.


Heather said...


Oh Mel! I'm SORRY. You are a beautiful, brilliant, and amazing Goddess! You are the most generous person I have ever met and THIS, I believe, is what drives you to endless apology - a desire to give something positive to everyone you come across (even a doorframe).

I love you!


Jaime said...

Oh gosh that made me laugh... mostly because I do exactly the same thing. Did we become the same person or something? Whats up with that??

Angie said...

If I´d had to come up with a thorough description of you, I don´t think that chronic apologizer would have made my list. Learn a new thing every day! Do I get to call you Melly? I promise not to add the Smelly any more.

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