Thursday, December 17, 2009

Thursday Five - Ways I Might Die or Sustain Major Injury

Pardon the morbidity, but I've been giving this a lot of thought lately. Not because I have some weird death fetish thing, but because I am really accident prone and a touch of a hypochondriac. Seriously. Ever see my try to walk?

1. Trip Over Griffin and Hit my Head
When I first got Griffin (14ish years ago) a friend of mine nicknamed him Underfoot because he always is. I've tripped over, stepped on, punted and kicked the stinky little ginge (accidentally, obviously) innumerable times over the years, and he still has the nerve to act all indignant. Whatever, Griffin. I picture me bailing over the cat and hitting my head or neck like that scene in Million Dollar Baby. Craaaack. And I'm dead, or worse, paralyzed.

Plotting the next attack. 

2. Choke on a Hair Pin
I have a bad habit of holding hair pins in my mouth while putting my hair up. It would be just my style to somehow inhale and choke on one.

3. Brain Tumor
 Over the past few years I've been fairly convinced I've had all of the following - lupus (hypochondriac favorite because it can explain so many random symptoms), breast cancer, lyme disease, the herp, colitis, inflammatory bowel disease ... among others. But brain tumors ... oh man, I keep coming back to that one. Random stabbing pains in the head? Brain tumor! Lumpy forhead? Brain tumor! Weird vision things? Brain tumor! Most likely I'm just really tired and have a naturally lumpy skull, but part of me is always in fear of a tumor. Anurysm's, clots, and other brain maladies freak me out too. I totally had to stop watching House, because it just fed the fear.

4. Random Bystander Victim of Violence
 I've both witnessed a stabbing and narrowly missed being plugged by a stray bullet. So narrowly that the concrete shrapnel from the wall the bullet lodged in hit my friend in the face. True story. I've also stepped in to break up fights on the street, which is pretty stupid given that people tend to get shot, stabbed or severely beaten trying to help in such situations.

5. Under an Avalanche of Pots in My Kitchen
I love my hanging pot rack. It keeps the kitchen tidy and frees up cupboard space. However, it's right above my chopping block, and I've several times thought 'damn, this would be a terrible place to be standing during an earthquake'.

Pot Rack of Death

Do you have any weird phobias? Ways you think the Reaper might getcha?

1 comment:

michelle said...

considering I was with you both when you witnessed the stabbing and almost got shot...perhaps i am the dangerous influence in your life.

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