Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Stomping All Over Tom Cruise

I never made it through that early night sleep on Sunday, my lovely Kiwi room-mate Helen roused me from my restless attempt to sleep for a late night beer with some of the hostel lads. Glad of it too, living isn't really complete until you've witnessed a gargantuan, affable Sasquatch of an Aussie bring down the house with Welcome to the Jungle. Long live karaoke, long live GnR!

Helen, Jamie (one of the aformentioned lads) and I got our tourist on on Monday, braving the LA transit to Hollywood Boulevard, the mecca for arcane, tacky LA LA Land goodness. Really the sort of thing I'd have felt an ass doing on my own, but Jamie and Helen proved to be game for some serious touriste action. Really, I think there isn't much point trying to explain it until the pictures are uo next week, but there was some Scientilogy recruiting attemtps, and a little Tommy Cruise star stomping in retaliation. Pictures, pitchers (at Hooters...natch) and general cheesiness ensued until we were all suitable buzzed and burned, and we stumbled our way in to the Metro to begin the arduous journey back. Seriously, bus rides take FOREVER here, and all the buses smell like mildewy socks. They do, however, have in-flight entertainment in the form of tv's, and the bus drivers are fantastic. No shitting, I actually heard one say, "No problem sir, I'm here to help."Like totally seriously and unironically. This trip is really messing with my Canadian superiority complex, I've arrived at the conclusion that the Canadian kindness/hospitality thing is a ruse, we're just apologetic and nonconfrontational. Compared to the approachability of Americans we're almost standoffish. I don't think it's a rude thing, on the contrary I think it's in effort to not impose on or disturb people, but I really hate that my natural reaction when people randomly approach me is suspicion. Sometimes they're just some friendly dude named Paco offering M&M's, and if you want, access to a party with piles of blow. Don't worry Mom, I didn't go, I just got the blow report from the affable Aussie, and no I didn't eatthe M&M's either.

Where did that paragraph go? Dear lord, someone is verbal tonight! Anyhoo, Hollywood = delighthfully/horifically cheesy. Biggest dissapointment, the Kodak Theatre is in a mall. IN A MALL, YA'LL! Only in America would the most watched show in the entire world (The Oscar's...duh) be broadcast from an (albeit glorified) mall. Seriously.

By the way, I know these entries are a veritable web of typos and spelling errors, but at 10 cents a minute on less than high speed computers I'm not spell or grammer checking. So go ahead, feel superior. I'm a crap speller.

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